


Time To Let Go

by AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Drama, re-post from 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-11 03:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17438993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell/pseuds/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell
Summary: „Lisbon!“ He yells after her and she hears him stumble to his feet behind her. „Lisbon wait!“But she doesn’t. She doesn’t belong here. She never has. And the truth is she doesn’t even want to. There’s no point in staying, no point in pretending to be someone she isn’t. Someone she doesn’t want to be in the first place.





	Time To Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> And a BIG special thank you goes to the wonderful clairebare for beta reading!

**Time To Let Go**

**.**

**.**

A wand.

_A freaking wand._

Disbelievingly Teresa Lisbon stares at Agent Fisher. The way the forty something woman is waving that sparkling thing, too ridiculous to put into words. The amazed expression she’s wearing on her face, lost in some tragic, long forgotten childhood memory – totally disturbing.

Even more so than the sight of Agent Abbott with a robot on his desk yesterday. Not to mention the annoying beep of that Tamagotchi Wylie won’t let go of. Or his stupid cheering whenever his electronic pet wants something from him.

_Congratulations, Teresa! You got yourself a bunch of kids!_

And here she thought she’d been working as an FBI agent. Turns out she’s nothing more than a freaking kindergartner.

_Once again._

What a mess.

She feels like screaming. Like breaking down those glass walls around her. Like pulling out her gun and shooting every one of her colleagues straight in the head. The thought of a bloodbath like that alarmingly soothing.

Not long ago she’d been a hard working agent, hunting down bad guys twice her size. Now she’s only allowed to look through boxes of evidence, gets left behind to do the paperwork. Gets told what to do by a woman who hates her for more than one reason and by a man who only bosses her around because he wants to sleep with her.

And Teresa wonders what would happen if she would give in to him, if she would allow him to take her on his office desk like he’s dreaming about. Could she get herself a better job position? Could she get Agent Fisher fired?

Maybe.

Jane got him to agree to his demands with a fake list. She sure as hell could to the same by offering herself.

_Wait._

Why is she even thinking about that? Is that what she has become? Is that what she wants to be? What the hell happened to her?

_And what the fuck is she still doing here?_

Teresa shakes her head at herself, before she turns around and leaves the office aquarium. Suddenly overwhelmed by the need to run as far away as possible.

She makes her way to her desk in a haze, pulls out her badge and her gun. Ignores the way Jane watches Agent Fisher from his couch.

„What are you doing?“ he asks her and she sees him sit up straight, as he spots her gun and the badge on her desk. „What happened, Lisbon? Where are you going?“

He sounds alarmed, his blue eyes wide and filled with doubt and fear. Something deep bubbling back to the surface, something she hasn’t seen in what feels like forever.

„I have no idea,“ she tells him with a shrug, before she grabs her bag and walks in the direction of the elevator.

„Lisbon!“ He yells after her and she hears him stumble to his feet behind her. „Lisbon wait!“

But she doesn’t. She doesn’t belong here. She never has. And the truth is she doesn’t even want to. There’s no point in staying, no point in pretending to be someone she isn’t. Someone she doesn’t want to be in the first place.

She doesn’t wait for the elevator, takes the staircase instead. Takes two steps at a time on her way down, almost running. She has no idea where she’s going, no idea what she’s going to do. Already pretty aware how limited her choices are since her career went straight to hell.

But it doesn’t matter.

Maybe she’ll just start writing a book about her messed up life. Isn’t that what people love to read? About other people’s bad choices in life? She surely could fill not just one book but a whole series. Earn herself some money for the hell she’d been through.

Teresa hears Jane calling after her, his footsteps on the stairs behind her but she doesn’t stop and she doesn’t turn around either. She has to get out of there before she loses her courage.

Before she goes back, to try to fix something she can’t. There is no fixing things. Not anymore.

Jane catches up with her on the first floor. Grabs her arm, makes her spin around to face him.

„What’s going on?“ he asks her. Completely out of breath. „Is it because I didn’t get you anything? Or because I went out on that case with Kim instead of you?“

„For god’s sake, Jane!“ Teresa blurts out. „This isn’t about you!“

She’s shocked by her outburst and he obviously is too, because he lets go of her arm instantly. Steps back and eyes her carefully.

„I don’t belong here,“ she tells him and tries to lower her voice. „I never have.“

„That’s not true, Lisbon. You just have to…“

„No, Jane!“ Teresa shakes her head angrily. „I don’t have to do anything. Do you want to know how many times I thought about leaving?“ She glares up at him. „Since I came here, Jane. Every single day. Every breathing moment. I thought we could go back to what we had, I thought things could be like they were back in Sacramento, but they can’t.“

„Of course we can go back to that, Lisbon,“ Jane tries to reassure her, while he waves her off with a laugh. „We’re still hunting bad guys, just someplace else. We’re still the same.“

„No, Jane.“ She shakes her head again. Wonders if he really doesn’t get it or if he just doesn’t want to. „This isn’t like Sacramento and we’re not the same people. We teamed up for a greater cause, but at the end of the day that was the only thing we had in common.“

And suddenly, while saying it out loud for the first time ever, Teresa realizes it’s true. It’s been over for a long time.

They rarely even talk to each other and when they do it’s like talking to a stranger. Both of them desperately holding on to something that’s long gone.

„Lisbon…“ Jane starts and she watches him reach out for her hand. An invisible force holding him back halfway.

„It’s time to let go, Jane,“ she tells him. She’s surprised how easy the words leave her lips. How easy it is to say it. And how good it feels to do it. „You have to let me go,“ she adds and meets his gaze.

For a moment he looks like he’s about to shake his head, like he wants to say something or scream at her for all she’s worth. Like he wants to take her hand after all. But he’s doing none of it. He’s looking at her instead. And she knows he knows she’s right. It’s visible in his blue eyes, written all over his handsome face.

This is goodbye.

„Teresa,…“ she hears him whisper. His voice filled with regret and sorrow. With passion and pain. Sadness and longing for something they’ll never have. His eyes boring into hers. Tears glistening in his.

And she knows there’s no going back now.

She stands up on her tiptoes, gives him a soft kiss on his cheek.  _For the first time,_  she thinks.  _And for the last._

„Goodbye, Patrick,“ she tells him. Her voice barely above a whisper while she turns to leave.

She hears him call her name. Once, twice. But she doesn’t look back and she’s relieved he doesn’t follow. She feels lighter, a giant weight lifted from her shoulders.

After thirteen years she’d finally managed to set herself free. Finally managed to leave the demons behind. To let go of her past. To let go of him, so she can find herself again.

And she wonders if a part of her already did when he killed Red John, back then almost three years ago when he left the country. Maybe she did. Maybe that’s the reason she can’t seem to leave the building fast enough.

Maybe that’s the reason why it feels so easy to do and Teresa can’t help but wonder why it took her so long to understand that.

When she steps out of the building and into the bright Texas sun, she smiles. Looks up into the clear blue sky and thinks about all the opportunities ahead of her. All the things she’s free to do now.

She has no boundaries, no one left, no one she has to take care off or worry about. No one she’s waiting for to come back and find her. She doesn’t even have a car or a apartment. There’s only a hotel room, a suitcase and her money saved on a bank account. Enough money to travel the world until she finds the right place to start over.

Maybe she’ll even get herself a new name. Just to make sure no one is going to find her.

She puts on her sunglasses, shoulders her bag and with a satisfied smile on her flawless face she starts walking down the street.

It’s about time to get herself her life back.

**.**

**.**


End file.
